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KARAKTER dan sifat seseorang kadangkala bisa dikenali dari wajahnya. Bahkan  kecenderungan seks seseorang pun  bisa diketahui  dari wajah atau penampilannya.  

Seperti yang dilaporkan AP, Rabu (8/4), para psikolog di Skotlandia belum lama ini melakukan sebuah   penelitian  untuk memahami  daya tarik serta  perannya dalam menemukan pasangan. Survei ini dilakukan para peneliti dari Universitas Durham dibantu tim dari Universitas Aberdeen dan St Andrews.   Mereka melibatkan sekitar 700 responden heteroseksual yang masih  berusia   20-an.  

Nah bagi Anda yang akan menjalin hubungan,   mencari informasi seperti apakah sifat dan karakter pasangan tentu sangatlah penting, apalagi jika hubungan yang akan dijalin ini serius.   Jadi jangan sampai salah menilai. Bisa jadi keberuntungan menjauh, malah kegagalan yang didapat.

Lelaki tua menjelang 80-an itu menatap istrinya. Lekat-lekat. Nanar. Gadis itu masih terlalu belia.
Baru saja mekar. Ini bukan persekutuan yang mudah.
Tapi ia sudah memutuskan untuk mencintainya.
Sebentar kemudian ia pun berkata, ”Kamu kaget melihat semua ubanku? Percayalah! Hanya kebaikan yang kamu temui di sini”. Itulah kalimat pertama Utsman bin Affan ketika menyambut istri terakhirnya dari Syam, Naila.
Selanjutnya adalah bukti.>> > Sebab cinta adalah kata lain dari memberi.
>> > sebab memberi adalah pekerjaan..
>> > sebab pekerjaan cinta dalam siklus memperhatikan, menumbuhkan,
>> > merawat dan  melindungi itu berat.
>> > sebab pekerjaan berat itu harus ditunaikan dalam waktu lama.
>> > sebab pekerjaan berat dalam waktu lama begitu hanya mungkin
>> > dilakukan oleh mereka yang memiliki kepribadian kuat dan tangguh.

“Aku juga akan melindungi dirimu dari segala sesuatu yang dapat merusak dirimu….”>> > Dan proses pertumbuhan itu taruhannya adalah kepercayaan orang yang
>> > kita cintai terhadap integritas kepribadian kita.
>> > Sekali kamu mengatakan kepada seseorang, “Aku mencintaimu”, kamu
>> > harus membuktikan ucapan itu.

>> > Itu deklarasi jiwa bukan saja tentang rasa suka dan ketertarikan,
>> > tapi terutama tentang kesiapan dan kemampuan memberi, kesiapan dan
>> > kemampuan berkorban, kesiapan dan kemampuan pekerjaan-pekerjaan cinta:
>> > memperhatikan,menumbuhkan, merawat dan melindungi.
>> > Sekali deklarasi cinta tidak terbukti, kepercayaan hilang lenyap.
>> > Tidak ada cinta tanpa kepercayaan.
>> > Begitulah bersama waktu suami atau istri kehilangan kepercayaan
>> > kepada pasangannya. Atau anak kehilangan kepercayaan kepada orang
>> > tuanya. Atau sahabat kehilangan kepercayaan kepada kawannya. Atau
>> > rakyat kehilangan kepercayaan kepada pemimpinnya.
>> > Semua dalam satu situasi: cinta yang tidak terbukti.

>> > Ini yang menjelaskan mengapa cinta yang terasa begitu panas membara diawal
>> > hubungan lantas jadi redup dan padam pada tahun kedua, ketiga,
>> > keempat dan seterusnya.
>> > Dan tiba-tiba saja perkawinan bubar, persahabatan berakhir,
>> > keluarga berantakan, atau pemimpin jatuh karena tidak dipercaya rakyatnya.

Jalan hidup kita biasanya tidak linear. Tidak juga seterusnya pendakian. Atau penurunan. Karena itu, konteks di mana pekerjaan-pekerjaan cinta dilakukan tidak selalu kondusif secara emosional.

Tapi disitulah tantangannya: membuktikan ketulusan di tengah  situasi-situasi yang sulit. Di situ konsistensi teruji.
Di situ juga integritas terbukti. Sebab mereka yang bisa mengejawantahkan cinta di tengah situasi yang sulit, jauh lebih bisa membuktikannya dalam waktu yang longgar.Mereka yang dicintai dengan cara begitu, biasanya mengatakan bahwa hati dan jiwanya penuh seluruh.
Bahagia sebahagia-bahagianya. Puas sepuas-puasnya. Sampai tak ada tempat bagi yang lain. Bahkan setelah sang pencinta mati.

Begitulah Naila. Utsman telah memenuhi seluruh jiwanya dengan cinta.
Maka ia memutuskan untuk tidak menikah lagi setelah suaminya terbunuh.
Ia bahkan merusak wajahnya untuk menolak semua pelamarnya.
Tak ada yang dapat mencintai sehebat lelaki tua itu.

*anonymous - taken from email*

This has not been broken since 9/11/01, so please keep it going…
This has been kept alive and moving since 9/11 in memory of all those
who perished this morning; the passengers and the pilots on the United
Air and AA flights, the workers in the World Trade Center and the
Pentagon, and all the innocent bystanders. Our prayers go out to the
friends and families of the deceased.

IF I KNEW

If I knew it would be the last time
That I’d see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.

If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.

If I knew it would be the last time
I’d hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would video tape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.

If I knew it would be the last time,
I would spare an extra minute
to stop and say “I love you,”
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.

If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day–
Well I was sure you’ll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.

For surely there’s always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything just right.

There will always be another day
to say “I love you,”
And certainly there’s another chance
to say our “Anything I can do?”

But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I’d like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget.

Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.

So if you’re waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll surely regret the day,

That you didn’t take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss,
and you were too busy to grant someone
what turned out to be their one last wish.

So hold your loved ones close today,
and whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you’ll always hold them dear.

Take time to say “I’m sorry,”
“Please forgive me,” “Thank you,” or “It’s okay.”
And if tomorrow never comes,
you’ll have no regrets about today.

Everything Happen for a Reason…

Sometimes people come into your life and you know right away that they are meant to be there. They serve some sort of purpose like teaching you a lesson or helping you figure out what you want to become. These people can be your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend, lover, or even a complete stranger who, when you lock your eyes with his, you know that he will affect your life in some profound way. Sometimes things happen to you and they may seem horrible, painful, and unfair. But in reflection, you realize that without overcoming those ob­stacles you will never have realized your potential, strength, will power or heart.

Everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by chance or by means of good or bad luck. Illness, injury, love, great loss and sheer stupidity, occur to test the limits of your soul. Without these small tests-events, illnesses or relationships, life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere. A safe and comfort­able but dull life does not give you anything. Your experiences create who you are. You can learn a lot from them.

If someone hurts, betrays or breaks your heart, forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust and the importance of being cautious to whom you open your heart. If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally, not because they love you, but because they teach you to love and open your heart and eyes to things you would have never seen or felt before. Make every day count. Appreciate every moment and take from it everything that you possibly can, for you may never be able to’ experience it again. Talk to people you have never talked to before, and listen to them. Let yourself fall in love. Break free and set your sights high. Hold your head up because you have every right to do so. Tell yourself that you are a great individual and believe in yourself, for if you don’t, no one else will believe in you. You can make of your life anything you wish. Create your own life and then go out and live it.

Anonymous

Sweet words are easy to say,
Sweet things are easy 2 buy,
But sweet people are difficult to find.

Life ends when U stop dreaming,
Hope ends when U stop believing,
Love ends when U stop caring,

Friendship ends when U stops sharing.
So share this with whom ever U considers a friend.

To love without condition,
To talk without intention,
To give without reason,
And to care without expectation is the heart of a true friend…

When it comes to making the decision about choosing a life partner, no one wants to make a mistake. Yet, with a divorce rate of close to 50%,it appears that many are making serious mistakes in their approach to finding Mr. / Miss. Right! If you ask most couples who are engaged why they`regretting married, they`ll say: “We`re in love.”! I believe this is the #1 mistake people make when they date.

Choosing a life partner should never be based on love. Though this may sound “not politically
correct”, there`s a profound truth here. Love is not the basis for getting married. Rather,love is the result of a good marriage. When the other ingredients are right, then the love will come.
Let me say it again: “You can’t build a lifetime relationship on love alone”. You need a lot more!!!

Here are five questions you must ask yourself if you’re serious about finding and keeping a life partner.
QUESTION #1: Do we share a common life purpose? Why is this so important?

Let me put it this way: If you’re married for 20 or 30 years, that’s a long time to live with someone. What do you plan to do with each other all that time? Travel, eat and jog together? You need
to share something deeper and more meaningful. You need a common life purpose.

Two things can happen in a marriage.

(1) You can grow together, or
(2) You can grow apart. 50% of the people out there are growing apart. To make a marriage work, you need to know what you want out of life! Bottom line; and marry someone who wants the same thing.
QUESTION #2: Do I feel safe expressing my feelings and thoughts with this person?

This question goes to the core of the quality of your relationship. Feeling safe means you can communicate openly with this person. The basis of having good communication is trust - i.e.trust that I won’t get “punished” or hurt for expressing my honest thoughts and feelings. A colleague of mine defines an abusive person as someone with whom you feel afraid to express your thoughts and feelings. Be honest with yourself on this one. Make sure you feel emotionally safe with the person you plan to marry.

QUESTION #3: Is he/she a mensch?

A mensch is someone who is a refined and sensitive person. How can you test? Here are some suggestions. Do they work on personal growth on a regular basis? Are they serious about improving themselves? A teacher of mine defines a good person as “someone who is always striving to be good and do the right thing”. So ask about your significant other:

What do they do with their timen is not someone whose top priority is character refinement.
There are essentially two types of people in the world:
(1) People who are dedicated to personal growth and

(2) people who are dedicated to seeking comfort. Someone whose goal in life is to be comfortable will put personal comfort ahead of doing the right thing. You need to know that before walking down the aisle.

QUESTION #4: How does he/she treat other people?

The one most important thing that makes any relationship work is the ability to give. By giving, we mean the ! ability to give another person pleasure.

Ask: Is this someone who enjoys giving pleasure to others or are they wrapped up in themselves and self-absorbed?

To measure this, think about the following:

How do they treat people whom they do not have to be nice to, such as waiters, bus boys, taxi drivers, etc…

How do they treat their parents and siblings?

Do they have gratitude and appreciation? If they don’t have gratitude for the people who
have given them everything; can you do nearly as much for them?

Do they gossip and speak badly about others Someone who gossips cannot be someone who loves others! You can be sure that someone who treats others poorly will eventually treat you poorly as well.

QUESTION #5: Is there anything I’m hoping to change about this person after we’re married?

Too many people make the mistake of marrying someone with the intention of trying to “improve” them after they’re married. As a colleague of mine puts it: “You can probably expect someone to change after marriage for the worse!” If you cannot fully accept this person the way they are now, then you are not ready to marry them.

In conclusion, dating doesn’t have to be difficult and treacherous. The key is to try leading a little more with your head and less with your heart. It pays to be as objective as possible when you are dating; to be sure to ask questions that will help you get to the key issues.

Falling in love is a great feeling, but when you wake up with a ring on your finger, you don’t want to find yourself in trouble because you didn’t do your homework.

Another perspective… There are some people in your life that need to be loved from a distance. It’s amazing what you can accomplish when you let go of or at least minimize your time with draining, negative, incompatible, not-going anywhere relationships. Observe the relationships around you.

Pay attention. Which ones lift and which ones lean? Which ones encourage and which ones discourage? Which ones are on a path of growth uphill and which ones are going downhill? When you leave certain people do you feel better or feel worse? Which ones always have drama or don’t really understand, know, or appreciate you? The more you seek quality, respect, growth,peace of mind, love and truth around you the easier it will become for you to decide who gets to sit in the front row and who should be moved to the balcony of your life.

An African proverb states, “Before you get married, keep both eyes open, and after you marry, close one eye.” Before you get involved and make a commitment to someone, don’t let lust, desperation, immaturity, ignorance, pressure from others or a low self-esteem make you blind to warning signs. Keep your eyes open, and don’t fool yourself that you can change someone or
that what you see as faults aren’t really that important. Once you decide to commit to someone, over time, his or her flaws, vulnerabilities, pet peeves, and differences will become more obvious.

If you love your mate and want the relationship to grow and evolve, you’ve got to learn how to close one eye and not let every little thing bother you. You and your mate have many different expectations, emotional needs, values, dreams, weaknesses and strengths.

You are two unique individual children of God who have decided to share a life together. Neither one of you is perfect, but are you perfect for each other? Do you bring out the best in each other? Do you compliment and compromise with each other, or do you compete, compare and control?

What do you bring to the relationship? Do you bring past relationships,past hurt, past mistrust, past pain? You can’t take someone to the altar to alter them. You can’t make someone love you or make someone stay. If you develop self-esteem, spiritual discernment, and “a life” you won’t find yourself making someone else responsible for your happiness or responsible for your pain. Seeking status, sex, and security are the wrong reasons to be in a relationship.

WHAT KEEPS A RELATIONSHIP STRONG IS:
1. TRUST
2. HONEST COMMUNICATION
3. NON-SEXUAL INTIMACY
4. A SENSE OF HUMOR
5. SHARING OF FAMILY
6. SOME GETAWAY TIME WITHOUT BUSINESS OR CHILDREN
7. DAILY EXCHANGES (phone calls, meals, shared activity, hugs, touching, notes, etc.)
8. SHARING COMMON GOALS THOUGHTS AND INTERESTS
9. GIVING EACH OTHER SPACE TO GROW WITHOUT FEELING INSECURE
10. GIVING EACH OTHER A SENSE OF BELONGING AND RE-ASSURANCES OF COMMITMENT

If these qualities are missing, the relationship will erode as resentment, withdrawal, abuse, neglect, and dishonesty; and pain will replace the passion.

There it goes. Success is nothing without someone meaningful to share it with….?!
It’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are not.”

— Denis Waitley —

Little girl and her father were crossing a bridge.
The father was kind of scared so he asked his little daughter,
“Sweetheart, please hold my hand so that you don’t fall into the river.”
The little girl said, “No, Dad. You hold my hand.”
“What’s the difference?” Asked the puzzled father.
“There’s a big difference,” replied the little girl.
“If I hold your hand and something happens to me,
chances are that I may let your hand go.
But if you hold my hand, I know for sure that no matter what happens,
you will never let my hand go.”

In any relationship, the essence of trust is not in its bind, but in its bond.
So hold the hand of the person who loves you rather than expecting them to hold yours… This message is too short……but carries a lot of Feelings.